


Bright as Jade

by SilkPeach



Category: Miss Saigon - Schönberg/Boublil/Maltby
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Childhood, Coming of Age, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Kim/Thuy, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Chris/Kim, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Violence, Slow Burn, Thuy is 8 years older than Kim, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21854785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilkPeach/pseuds/SilkPeach
Summary: Loving people never came easily to Thuy, having grown up in a wartorn world where no one could be trusted. However, at 13, when most of his passions revolve around vengeance - for his country, his family - he discovers a sort of compassion he's never known to exist in his heart. The girl who brings it out of him is Kim, and although it's a slow process, one that takes years, he finds that it's worth more to protect what you love than to seek out those who've wronged you....Covering Thuy and Kim's childhood and exploring alternate events following the Fall of Saigon.
Relationships: Kim/Thuy (Miss Saigon)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

_**1963** _

Thuy first sees Kim when he is 13, a boy wild under the crushing tensions of war creeping up over the horizon.

He talks of make-believe battles with his friends, imagining the defeat of their government oppressors and the Americans who’ve forced them into this stuffy village. _Hamlets_ _in English_ , Thuy can barely recall. The language doesn't sound nice in his head, let alone on his tongue, and it's just as bad as French. These damn colonialists keep on coming, they keep on taking what little his family has, and it's more than enough to make his blood boil. He's fucking tired of feeling anxious all the time, of being afraid.

But all he can do is dream - at least until he's older. Then, when he becomes a man, he'll be able to be more than just a poor farmer's son. Maybe he could join the army and reunite this god forsaken country, or go out and meet Viet Nam's enemies himself, just as he pretends to do with his friends. He can only assume they share this same dream as him. Everyone else does. The degenerating bamboo walls that surround them, with their spikes and barbed wire, make everyone feel more like prisoners than the valued assets they're supposed to be.

Thuy marches home dissatisfied like most days. He's just learned to fill a rifle magazine from the school their government's set up. Sneering, he wipes the rust off his hands on his pants. If the Viet Cong finds them, there would be no way in hell that this village could survive. He's about to mumble his usual curses when he bumps into a little girl, trips over her as his daydreams take him too far from reality. She's so small that he doesn't even see her until he falls to the ground, yelping as his shoulder makes impact with a sharp rock embedded in the dry soil beneath him.

"Watch it!" Thuy spits and glares at the kid. He can see beyond her messy bangs that she's on the verge of tears.

On her knees, she turns to him with her head bowed and hands clasped together, squeaking a pitiful "I'm sorry!"

The boy sits up and raises a brow when he continues scanning her further. The realization that he doesn't recognize her comes as a surprise, because everyone knows everyone in this small settlement. He should know her name, or at least, her face. "Forget it. Who are you?" Thuy asks simply.

She wipes her tears away, "My name is Kim."

 _Kim_ . It's beginning to ring a few bells but he can't come to a conclusion. _How odd_ , he thinks, feeling sore as he gets back up on his feet. He sighs and offers the little one his hand, which she takes gently. Instead of letting go once she stands, Kim tightens her grip, and Thuy frowns. "Can you help me go home?" she suddenly asks, looking up with hopeful eyes.

"What, you don't know the way? We live in the smallest place in the world. How could you not..."

She just shakes her head.

Thuy huffs through his nose and wraps his fingers around her tiny hand. "Fine," he says, "Where do you live?" Eager to get this over with, he already starts walking toward the houses, dragging the girl along. She can barely keep up with her short legs.

"My daddy's name is Trung. He's a farmer."

This makes Thuy stop in his tracks. He frowns, "Trung… Trung is my uncle."

He doesn't expect it when Kim gasps loudly. She holds his hand in the both of hers and bounces excitedly, "You're my cousin, then!"

Now he remembers. Back in their old village, probably five years ago, Thuy attended the blessing of a baby. He was only eight then, so the memory has faded for him. And with her being so young, forgetting that she’s even existed had to be easy. She is one among many older sisters in her family. And with her being a girl, she’s probably been kept inside most of the time unless her mother had to bring her out to the rice fields when no one else could watch her. Thuy was never near the fields - he was always off adventuring out near the distant jungle. Still, the notion that he could forget such a close relative exists causes heat to rise in his cheeks. He has to admit to himself that he could be an idiot sometimes.

They walk to Uncle Trung's hut together, taking just five minutes out of the day to get there. Thuy knocks on the door and feels Kim hide herself behind his legs. Before he can ask what she's doing, the door opens, and he turns his attention to the man who answers. "Thuy?" asks Uncle Trung. The boy rubs the back of his neck. He's never really visited family on his own unless it was to run errands for his parents.

"Good evening, Uncle," Thuy offers a tight-lipped smile, "I was just returning from the school and I--"

Kim jumps out from her hiding place. "Surprise!" she cheers, giggling between syllables. Uncle Trung plays along and acts shocked as he goes to pick her up, eyes wide and mouth open. Thuy scratches at the back of his wrist.

"Why did cousin Thuy walk you home?" Uncle coos at Kim, but looks to his nephew for an answer.

"I almost tripped over her. She said she got lost."

"Oh, I see. She's still learning how to explore on her own, you know? Thank you, I'm glad she's safe."

"I mean no disrespect, sir - just out of concern - maybe someone should watch her when she's out and about. She's still very young and curious, so there's a real chance that she could run into the wrong person…"

Uncle throws his head back in a fit of laughter, and Thuy flinches. "The wrong person - like you?"

The boy pouts. Uncle Trung waves a hand at him, "I'm only making fun, no need to get angry! I'll consider it. Thank you again, Thuy."

Thuy nods, but before he can leave, his uncle calls after him, "Also! Tell your father I must speak with him soon. It's very important, you hear?"

"Yes, Uncle."

It's not long until he makes it back to his own home. Their hut, unlike most of the ones within the walls, crumbles against the weakest winds and lightest showers. The soldiers who stop by sometimes always fail to stay true to the promise that they would fix it. And it's not like the family can do repairs themselves, because if they could, they would. There aren't any resources here to spare. They can only make do with what those government officials offer them, and it isn't much.

He enters the home and finds his father sitting on the floor at their table. He's looking through a decaying photo album. Father doesn't take long to notice him. "Ah, Thuy. How was today's lesson?"

"It was alright. Learned how to load a magazine."

His father scoffs, "Useful for this day and age, isn't it?"

Thuy sits across from him and observes the old photographs. Through the bleeding film, he can recognize the faces of family, close relatives who have gone missing or gotten killed, either by Northern or Southern hands. He clears his throat and looks away. He doesn't have the energy to be angry right now. "I visited Uncle Trung today," Thuy mutters, slouching on the splintering surface in front of him.

"My cousin? Why?"

"I bumped into his youngest daughter. Walked her home. He said he wanted to speak with you."

"Yes, Kim. It's been quite a while since you've seen her, hasn't it? She was only a baby then."

Thuy nods, "I just find it funny that I had completely forgotten about her until now."

"Well, she was a sickly little creature way back when, always inside. From what I hear, she's become strong, livelier than her sisters, even."

"I can agree with that," the boy chuckles stiffly, recalling how bright her smile seemed to be. He repeats himself, "Uncle said he wanted to meet with you soon. About something important?"

Father hums in acknowledgement and recollects the photo album, standing in order to shuffle back and put the hardbound book with the rest of their memorabilia. The chest is hidden away in a hole they dug in the ground when they first moved, at the darkest corner of the entire hut. He wipes his hands and stretches his back, "I have news for you, too. I think you'll like it."

Thuy perks up, "What?"

"We may be going back soon."

"Back?"

"To our farm, our house…"

" _Home_ ," Thuy jumps to his feet and goes to his father. He looks up at him with the widest grin he could manage, not at all minding the stinging in his cheeks. "Where is Mother? Does she know?"

"Yes, she's out speaking with the neighbors to see if there's any more information we can get our hands on. Just… Don't tell anyone else yet."

"Okay."

All this could only mean one thing: their government's failed them. Anyone with a brain understands that the VC is far from a nonthreat. They're dissolving the hamlets not because the people are safe, but because _the plan isn't working_. A strange sense of triumph overcomes Thuy when the thought comes to him, one of validation, the knowledge that he was right about the state all along.

He goes back to his place at the table and taps his fingers against the worn bamboo. He'll celebrate the homecoming with his friends once it's official. For now, however, Thuy will just have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if I've interpreted the events of the Vietnam War incorrectly.
> 
> This is mostly inspired by Kwangho Hong's performance as Thuy, so I will attempt to match his interpretation of the character. I hope you'll enjoy it.


	2. Chapter 2

Thuy wakes up in the early hours of the morning so he can race his neighbors, well-equipped with a small sack hidden in his overshirt. Despite how dim the sky is, every villager begins to emerge from their huts, moving quickly to gather rations from the soldiers at the main entrance of the hamlet. Thuy, prepared to join them, steps into his flip flops and lunges into a sprint. Being last in line could mean the worst for his family in the next few weeks (if they aren't out of here by then).

He's made it close to the front of the queue, fortunately. He can see by looking over the shoulders of others that there is some rice and small, preserved fish available for distribution. If they want more, they'd have to buy from the marketplace near the school, but one complete family unit could only do so much with fifteen dollars that’s supposed to last them for god-knows-how-long.

He's about to run back home when he feels something tug at the hem of his shirt. He tucks the sack back into its place and looks down, baffled at the sight of a small person clinging onto him. "Kim?!" Thuy hisses.

She meets his glare with her wide, sparkling gaze, "Hello, Thuy."

"What are you doing?"

"I wanna follow you."

"What-- Why?"

"'Cause you're doing stuff and I don't like being in my hut anymore. I wanna walk like we did yesterday."

"I-- Ugh, just let me go! You're being annoying!"

And then her little heart shatters into a million pieces in front of him. He's helplessly frozen as tears start forming in her eyes, and in a panic, he kneels before the girl. "S-stop it. Don't cry," he whispers, looking around to ensure no one's watching them.

"But… But you said…"

"I didn't mean it! I'm sorry, okay? Look, you can come with me while I do some errands, is that fine?"

Joy sweeps across her face then. Kim nods and holds his hand.

Thuy keeps her by his side on his way back. It's busy outside this morning, and it's easy to crash into numerous people passing them by. The last thing he wants is for tiny Kim to get trampled over, so he glances back at her often, watching as she observes her surroundings. She gasps at the sight of a budding flower, at the food some have bought with money, and she smiles sweetly whenever she catches Thuy staring. He rolls his eyes.

After removing his shoes and reminding Kim to do the same, he swings open the door to his hut, stopping in his tracks when he discovers Uncle Trung sitting across his father at the table. "Thuy! Good morning," greets Father's cousin, and the boy is compelled to return the gesture.

"I brought home rations. I'm sorry, have I interrupted--?"

Before he can finish, Kim frees herself from Thuy's grip to run to Uncle Trung in a fit of excitement, " _ Ba _ !"

As Uncle tends to his daughter, Thuy puts the fish in the chest of salt they keep against the far wall, and his Father stops him from storing the rice, "Don't. We already have a lot of that. Go see Linh and ask if you can trade for some vegetables. And don't let the guards see you."

"Yes, Father. Kim, are you coming?"

"Ah, I see Thuy is taking you on adventures now!" Uncle notes.

The girl pads over to her cousin and takes his hand again. She can only agree.

Thuy frowns as he exits, making sure his grip on Kim is tight enough so he won't lose her. Once they're outside, he pulls the girl closer to his hip, and swiftly moves along what he knows to be the hamlet watchtower's blindspots on the way to Linh's place. Being caught trading or giving food away is enough to raise suspicion in those who monitor them. No one can be certain if you're providing the VC support, because those guerillas often hide among the peasants, wearing their clothes and speaking their dialect.

"Do you know what Uncle and Father are talking about?" asks Thuy.

Kim shakes her head.

At Linh's, the process is quick. Once they arrive, Thuy presents his offerings immediately, and the sight of the pure, white rice is enough to prompt Mrs. Linh to bring out a half head of cabbage. The boy takes it wordlessly in the exchange. "This is fun," Kim whispers as they go to leave, "I like it."

"It's not supposed to be  _ fun _ . That woman, she probably didn't have enough to feed her family."

"Oh."

Her naivete makes him feel as if a bullet's been shot through his chest. Of course, he can't expect much else - she's only five, after all - but the notion that anyone could be happy living under the boot of corrupt politicians burns the edges of his soul. To have lived life knowing only injustice, knowing only submission to the enemy… He believes with the whole of his heart that that’s the worst kind of existence, and he remembers the arrogance he felt when he had learned the hamlets were dissolving in shame. If the nation does not reunite soon, then who knows how long they'd have to continue in their strife? Who knows how much of Kim's innocence would be spent on a senseless war?

He takes her to a hidden place behind a bamboo wall. He gets down on his knees to match her eye line, and holds her in place with his hands on her shoulders. "There are monsters all around us, Kim,  _ enemies _ . Ones who make us desperate for food, who take us away from our homes, who will kill us if we help our neighbors. You see them everyday up on that tower or around the walls. They're the reason we have to live like this."

Kim trembles, and Thuy nods in acknowledgement. "That's what the world is like," he says, "None of it is fun or happy."

"Good to see you're teaching them early."

The strange voice startles Thuy. He jumps and stands to protect Kim, fearing that his anti-Southern sentiments have been heard by a supporter. He only relaxes when he recognizes the face of his friend. "Duong," he sighs, exasperated.

Duong peeks behind the other boy and gasps, "Who is she? I haven't seen her around before."

"This is my cousin, Kim," Thuy explains, stepping to the side so they can face each other, "She's been sickly, but she's healthy enough to be around people now."

Duong stands a bit taller than his friend, likely due to being well into his teenage years, more so than Thuy. But while he is bigger and older, there is hardly any meat on his bones, making him look more like a stretched out noodle than a person. He picks at something between his teeth, "Good. Now she can see how badly our own country's fucked us over."

Kim shifts to hide again behind her cousin. Thuy shrugs, "I'm trying to tell her that it’s not worth spending her laughter on a shithole like this.”

“You could say that again, but at least we’re getting out of here soon. You’ve heard haven’t you?”

“I have. You know when exactly?”

“In a few weeks at most. I can’t wait.”

“And where did you learn that?”

Duong shortens the distance between them and speaks slowly, “I overheard the guards at the gate. They also said that the Viet Cong are getting closer.”

“That isn’t news,” Thuy shoves him farther away. It doesn’t take much for the older boy to stumble to the ground.

“But there are rumors that they spare those they recruit. We have a chance if we swear loyalty to the North.”

Thuy scoffs, laughs in his face, “Bullshit. Some of my family have been slaughtered by them. They’re demons, just as much as the Army of the Republic, the Americans, the French, the Japanese--”

“Remember all we’ve spoken about? If there’s anyone who can reunite Viet Nam, who can kill off these invaders,” Duong takes more than a moment to get back up, “It’s us under  _ Ho Chi Minh _ , not this mess of a state Ngo Dinh Diem has made.”

Thuy looks away and notices the rising sun. Golden rays bathe the lush jungle that surrounds them, glowing with power and painting the sky in a brilliant, vibrant orange. Images of his nation matching its celestial radiance flash in his mind, and for once in his life he lets himself imagine a future beyond war and bloodshed. He asks Duong flatly, “Do you plan to join them?”

“I don’t know. If it means I get to survive, then I don’t see a reason not to.”

Thuy gives him a thoughtful look. He opens his mouth to say something, though when he suddenly feels Kim pull at his sleeve, he immediately decides that it's unimportant. Asking Duong if he's really  _ fit _ for service is probably the rudest thing that could come out of his mouth. “I have to get back before my father is called in for wall work,” he places his hand gently against the back of Kim’s neck, “Find me if you learn anything else.”


	3. Chapter 3

"What's _Viet Cong_?"

The question sounds like a song as it leaves Kim's lips. The term has no real meaning, no weight when she speaks it. Thuy doesn't remember a time when he's heard it as such. _Viet Cong_ , for the majority of his life, has always been followed by screams or cries. Whispers and curses. Just by watching those he cares about he's learned that the word inspires nothing worse than pure, relentless torment. _Viet Cong_ tears apart families. _Viet Cong_ burns villages.

Yet it's them who will help the North and South become one again and chase the foreign invaders off their shores. At least according to Duong.

The meaning still eludes him, knowing all this. "They're either the country's heroes or it's worst enemy," Thuy decides, "They come from the North."

Picking a side has never been easy. From Thuy's perspective, everyone's been treating the rural people like shit, from every angle in every way. Neither the Americans nor the Republic could be trusted, and Thuy doesn't know much about the Communist utopia Ho Chi Minh seems to be promoting by spilling blood. Thuy can only deduce then that believing in something nowadays will get you killed, no matter what it is.

So he believes in nothing. Nothing except for the chance to get back at those who've wronged him once this is all over. He's already had that idea since the beginning. Whether it is with the Army or something else, Thuy wants nothing more than to leave his small, pathetic life behind. He wants to die not as a rice farmer, but as something bigger - a man whose existence means something. But how, when he’s only a boy _stuck here_ in this sad, wretched place? He’ll have to ask himself the same question again when they return to his farm: _How, when he’s only a boy stuck here in this sad, wretched village among these sad, wretched rice paddies?_

Gods, he doesn’t even know how to side with.

Kim rests her head on the table and moves her gaze elsewhere. Thuy doesn’t think he’ll ever be rid of her. “Why are you here,” he inquires, “You’re obviously bored out of your mind.”

“Nuh-uh. I like it.”

“Surely after five whole consecutive days you’d get tired of me.”

“No.”

“Your sisters probably have something better for you to do.”

She suddenly sits up straight, yelling “I’m staying with you!” with a degree of rebellion Thuy has never seen before in a girl.

He’s silent for a second, taken aback, before responding carefully, “Okay, then.”

Silence suffocates them once again for several moments. Thuy stares at her as she gradually grows restless, bouncing her knees, drumming something with the palms of her hands. Sunshine leaks into the hut through cracks in the walls. Little Kim makes shadow puppets against the light. She continues until she hears Thuy laugh at her. She mopes then, “I’m bored.”

“What do you want to do, then?”

“Let’s go outside…”

“And do what?”

“I dunno, but let’s go.” Kim looks up at Thuy with hope blanketing her expression and he can’t say no to a face like that. The early afternoons always go by so slowly. Usually he’d find his friends to spend time with, but with Kim worming his way into his daily agenda now, it’s become harder to get away. While his older companions are probably discussing politics, he’s getting dragged around by a five-year-old, half-assedly playing along with her games and listening to her nonsensical spiels about whatever her imaginative mind comes up with. Even his habits have shifted. More often than not, he looks over his shoulder whenever he’s walking throughout the village, making sure she hasn’t disappeared. Or, if he notices that his hand has been empty for more than a few minutes, he feels his chest tighten with paranoia. Thuy can’t for the life of him remember the last time he's been preoccupied with anything other than the war. At least prior to the past week.

He stretches before leading the girl to their door. As his eyesight adjusts to the change in brightness, he barely catches Kim speed past him toward the market - easily the busiest place in the hamlet at all times of the day. He shakes his head in disbelief then checks behind him to ensure that the image wasn’t an illusion. When he finds no one, his breath catches in his throat, and he doesn’t hesitate to leap into the groups of people after her. “Kim!”

Passerbys glower at him as he dodges their paths. He can barely keep watch of his surroundings when Kim is _right there_ , just inches away from his grasp, giggling as if this were all a game. He unashamedly clashes with fellow villagers and trips over his flip flops, ducking and guarding his own body from incoming obstacles. If she runs into the wrong person…

His heart beats faster. His tunnel vision gets narrower. He grits his teeth.

_What an annoying little shit!_

She looks back at him amongst the jungle of people, smiles one more time, and disappears on the other side of the crowd. This really _is_ a game to her! She thinks she can get away from him, outrun him as if those short legs of hers could ever get her anywhere. He huffs.

Thuy escapes the maze and locks onto his target. She’s right under his nose, and in only a few steps more, he’s able to bend down and scoop her up in his arms. Amidst a fit of cackles, she squirms against him. He does his best to sound irritated, “ _Runt_. If you made an even bigger scene, then not even I would be able to help you…”

He can tell that through her laugh and the tears forming at the corners of her eyes, now resembling crescent moons due to that ridiculous smile, it’s become difficult for her to even listen. The only phrases that manage to tumble out of her mouth are short: “I ran. You chased me. Then you caught me!”

“You thought you could get away, didn't you?"

“But I couldn’t.”

Thuy can’t stop himself from smiling anymore. He sets her down, and before she can try to get away from him again, he takes her wrist in his hand. “Enough,” he says, “You know already that I’m better than you at this game.”

"That was fun, though."

Thuy will never forgive himself for thinking the same. There are always better things to do than play along with a five-year-old's whims, but admittedly he's been feeling _tempted_ to follow her recently. The childish nonsense she enjoys speaking to him about, the games he makes her play, how easily she pulls his focus away from what _should be_ more pressing… It's all simply distraction. He knows that he needs to be more aware of the soldiers at the walls, or of the chatter between his neighbors in case of news, but he has found that worrying about Kim's boredom to be much more tolerable than troubling himself with rusted guns and the threat of invasion. Thuy also knows that becoming distracted could be fatal in times like these. The ghost of a thought echoes in his head: _It isn't worth it to waste laughter in a place like this_. He'd much rather feel happiness in his village away from those damned Republican soldiers, or better yet, in a country that isn't being torn from the inside out. He looks at Kim and her eager expression.

Why must a little girl find joy in a place devoid of it? Why are they expected to be happy with deteriorating houses and only a handful of rice per week?

There is just one more thing Thuy is confident of: he wants all this to end. He wants to be the one to end it. He wants to see the aggressors pay. But _who_ exactly is the enemy? Whose side does he have to join to be rid of all this shame?

"Thuy?" Kim mutters, reaching up to him and poking his chin.

He snaps out of his daydream and swallows nervously, "Once we go back home we'll be able to play more games, alright? Just… Here, out in the open, it's not good."

"Why not?"

"People will think ill of us," Thuy snarls, and makes eye contact with the guard on the tower.


	4. Chapter 4

School bores the hell out of Thuy.

Disassembling and reassembling the 1911 becomes mindless work in a matter of minutes. His fingers, working meticulously as he removes pins and pulls at springs, develop a mind of their own. He finds that he can afford to stare elsewhere from his work simply because the ins and outs of the handgun are second nature at this point. When he first started practicing this activity, at least it proved to be exciting. What he held in his hands back then was a _weapon_ , a tool to destroy any enemy or danger that got in his way. It was the first time he had ever held a gun with all its parts. The novelty has withered down, though, and the feeling of his finger on the trigger no longer inspires enthusiasm. This handgun remains as dead weight in his palms, a jigsaw puzzle he's memorized. It can't be anything more until he's allowed to shoot the damn thing.

Thuy has to cough every so often as he works. Dust lingers in the air of the school, often trapping itself between the walls of his windpipe or nostrils, conjuring reactions strong enough to force him to put down a half-assembled firearm. Eventually, it's enough to catch the attention of the instructor - a callous soldier who always seems to have better things to do. Thuy tenses when the man approaches his table.

"You," the instructor calls to attention, "Are you sick?"

"No, sir. The air here is--"

Suddenly the man picks up Thuy's work and raises it to the ceiling. As he examines it, his expression twists into something sour. "You're not even halfway finished."

"You misunderstand, sir. This will be my fourth time completing it."

He laughs as the boy coughs once again, "You mean to tell me you've completed a disassembly and reassembly of a 1911 in - how long has it been since class began…"

Thuy glances at the dulled out clock hanging on the wall, "Around eight minutes?"

" _Eight minutes_. In eight minutes you've taken apart and rebuilt this three times."

"Yessir."

The boy can feel the burning gazes of his peers on his back. He watches as the instructor slowly picks apart the 1911 and scatters the pieces on the table, undoing what little effort Thuy put into the assembly a few seconds prior. "Show me," the soldier demands, a smirk pulling the corner of his mouth.

"Yessir."

The boy decides quickly that going as fast he can is the best option. He'd be rid of this good-for-nothing brute sooner, and more importantly, he'd make him sorry for trying to find delight in whatever humiliation this is supposed to be. Thuy lays his palms flat on his workspace, then begins the moment he sees the minute hand on the clock move.

And like so many times before, the task comes instinctively. Racing against time adds a much-needed challenge after days of monotonous drudgery. His hands find the appropriate sections of the weapon in split seconds. He can slide in the spring and reattach the slide in almost the same amount of time. His peripheral vision allows him to see the instructor counting the ticks on his watch. Thuy only feels confident.

He drops the 1911 once he finishes, and the soldier's face says it all. The man's furrowed brow, piercing glare, and sickening scowl reaffirm Thuy's distaste for the southern Vietnamese ego.

"40 seconds," he murmurs, lowering his watch, "I don't see why we shouldn't enlist you right this moment--"

Words tumble out of Thuy's mouth like he can't help it, " _No_ , you can't."

"Oh? And why is that?" The man's look spells danger.

The boy has always regarded himself as careful. After all, he's a master at sneaking around the hamlet, at taking care of his family and that jittery brat of a girl. How is it that he could let go of all that now? Facing punishment could only mean bad news for him and his family. Thuy swallows down his trepidation before stumbling through whatever excuse comes to him first, "Well, I'm the only son in my family and with my parents being so old someone has to be there to help them also I'm only thirteen--"

_It's not because I hate you or what you represent._

The soldier breaks out into a terrible cackle. "Of course we can't enlist you! I was only joking."

Thuy grits his teeth as he watches the instructor chortle all the way back to his desk. All the boy can do is play more with his 1911, wishing desperately for a magazine to load into it and steal away the last laugh from that damned soldier.

\---

After turning in his weapon, Thuy storms out of the place, grateful to finally get some fresh air. He wants to go home, to fall into the warm embrace of his beaten-down mattress. But he can't even make it ten feet before someone has to stop him.

"What?!" he snaps, turning sharply to see the bastard who dared to put a hand on his shoulder.

He bites his cheek the moment he recognizes Duong and his other friends. It's a group of three teenage boys, all older than him, snickering as if they all have a secret. "We saw what you did with the gun," says Quan, the eldest and most respected out of all of them, "That was amazing."

"Amazing?"

"Of course! After witnessing that, I'd say you're much better qualified to teach us. You really put that asshole in his place."

Hearing it from Quan, Thuy lowers his gaze in hopes that his timidity wouldn't be too obvious. "He's made a fool of me," he replies, "I must seem inept to everyone else."

The last of the group, Binh shakes his head and murmurs, "You're a hero in our eyes, Thuy. He wanted to believe he was laughing at you, but we all know he just wanted to try and save face."

Quan puts his arm around Thuy's shoulders and leads everyone to the farthest corner of the hamlet, away from the eyes of guards. The younger boy can feel great strength in his elder's grip, a rarity nowadays, and he thinks that Quan must have gotten lucky gathering food to build muscle. Either that or he wasn't lucky at all, using his charisma as a young man to charm food off of the women in the village. With Quan and Duong as the eldest in their little group, this leaves Binh closest in age to Thuy. They both share the most in regards to personality: they are quiet, observant, with a healthy dose of bitterness to fuel their passion against their circumstances. However, Binh has proven to be less impulsive and more grounded than his younger counterpart.

Thuy looks up to these people. With his parents so resigned to their life, his desire for change goes largely unnoticed at home. It's with his friends that he gets a chance to express himself, to have people listen, and to even cultivate what vague, yet strong beliefs he holds. Their meeting place, under a panel of rickety bamboo, serves as a sanctuary in which he can freely express himself. Its shadows hide them from everyone else.

A small hole in the gravel keeps a few mementos they all have collected during their time in the hamlet. Quan takes pride in the North Vietnamese Army knife he apparently swiped from an open ARVN storage crate. Binh stashes communist literature that Thuy can't understand in there, too. And Duong… What used to look like an expensive lapel pin sits untouched for months in their little spot.

Thuy removes himself from Quan to kneel in front of their keepsakes and brush away the dirt that conceals them. He discovers his treasure, then sighs in relief, "It's still here."

He holds a tiny jade stone to the sky. Its color is faded, of course, because he's never had the means to properly take care of it, but the light reflecting off it makes it beautiful nonetheless. Thuy found it in a vacant hut when they first arrived, while no one was looking. The family who lived there first must have been killed or sent away before the boy and his parents moved in. Taking it was his way of claiming the place for his family.

"We haven't talked outside of school for a few weeks now," Quan says, lowering himself to Thuy's level. Thuy rubs the back of his neck.

"I had to look after my youngest cousin."

The suspicion on Quan's face makes the boy nervous, "I don't remember you saying you had any younger relatives."

"I saw her the other day. Thuy introduced me," Duong chimes in, "She clings onto him like a spider to its web."

Binh comments, "I've never seen a little girl around the village before."

"She's my uncle Trung's daughter - often ill but recently recovered. I have to take care of her now because she refuses to leave me alone."

"Just send her back to Trung or something! You're your parents' only son - you can say you're busy with more important things," Duong spits.

Quan raises a brow and looks at the taller boy, "Why would he do that?"

"To get away? He was just complaining about having to watch her all the time."

"He was tasked to take care of a relative, Duong, he can't just refuse something like that," Binh scolds, "Clearly you don't understand."

"Of course he doesn't. He's an orphan," sneers Quan.

Pouting, Duong crosses his arms. Indeed, Duong has often told stories about living life without a family - ones of great strife and the peculiar sense of independence that stems from being a wanderer. He gets by nowadays by working the farms of others until either they can't pay him anymore, or if they just decide that they don't like him. It was simply unfortunate that he got dragged into the hamlet with the others.

Thuy pockets the stone. "This won't completely stop me from coming here," he says, "You all are the only ones I can properly speak to." These guys are still his friends. He can't abandon them just because he has new responsibilities or because he feels a little apprehensive about politics nowadays.

The eldest of them grins and pats the other's back, "Glad to hear it! Without you, bullying Duong isn't nearly as fun. Now get comfortable - I asked Binh if he could try to explain those books he keeps in our ditch."

Duong doesn't have the chance to argue before the second youngest responds. Sighing, Binh sits down, "I doubt any of you could get it."

"Hey! Show your elders some respect!"

Thuy thinks about how much he's missed this. As they all gather in a circle, he imagines what their friendship would be like if the war didn't exist. This secret meeting spot wouldn't be necessary, and they probably would be talking more about girls than political theory. It's so strange to imagine, too difficult. Thuy has spent his entire life as a victim of war. As much as he wants the conflict to end, he doesn't know how life could be without it. He can't recall a time when he wasn't so resentful as he is now. The only comfort he has comes from those who share these feelings, from people like Quan, Duong, and Binh. They all have ambition. They all seem to know who they are already. Thuy isn't anywhere near understanding who he is or what he wants in the longterm, but he speculates that if he at least sticks with them as much as possible, he'll inevitably end up the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay!!!


	5. Chapter 5

The thoughts that fill Thuy's head during the day seep into his dreams like a slow infection. What happened the other day after school refuses to leave him be. The memory of the instructor - the lazy, uncaring fool - attempting to embarrass him in front of the other villagers replays itself in his head as he tosses and turns in his sleep. People like that soldier are the reason why he's so tired of his life as a rural peasant.

He also relives the lecture Binh made on the papers he keeps in their ditch - the concept of everyone working for the sake of others, no man richer than the other… It all seems so perfect in Thuy's mind, but his unconscious uncertainty of it all is enough to ruin their vision of utopia. With the country so deep in war, to have a revolution simultaneously… Binh had reassured him that it's just how everything is when you want change. He had told him that it isn't as simple as just going out and fighting and winning. There's a future to consider and plan for afterward.

So what's Thuy's plan?

The ideas he has for himself are blurry. His dream becomes a fuzzy mess of images, too dim to grasp onto anything concrete. He's lost, the only things keeping him grounded being an imaginary pistol at his side, and the anger that fuels whatever courage he has. Those are the only solid, tangible things he has, only until the figure of a child emerges from his shapeless dreamscape. Her messy bangs, her smile, her tiny hands that refuse to let go of him… For some reason he can see it all clearly. For some reason his spite washes away when he imagines her laughing.

He didn't show it then, but Duong's comment about giving up on Kim had irked him more than he expected. She's been dependent on him for a couple of weeks now - cutting her off would not only be impossible given the environment they live in, but also because, well, he's found that he doesn't want to. He has never had such a good distraction from his negative feelings before. Kim is always there waiting for him, either outside his door or at the ration line, her naivete strong enough to disregard the hardships that threaten them every day. He’s almost jealous of her. Even though this place is hardly deserving of anyone’s happiness, Thuy still manages to get roped into her blissful ignorance. In the moments he is with her, he forgets about the war, and the only thing important to him is her herself.

That day, when he was with his friends after school, there was a part of him that worried about her despite enjoying his time with the group. How could he not be uneasy when he's gotten so used to her presence all the time? Even when she isn't there, he thinks he feels something tug on his sleeve or brush his palm. Her habits stay with him. And yes, perhaps she's annoying most of the time, but just like the war and its effect on his life, he can't imagine Kim any other way.

But then he hears noises he couldn’t have dreamt up himself.

Thuy abruptly wakes to find Father and Mother's silhouettes pacing around the hut like madmen. Without any daylight to stream in through the cracks in their walls, he can barely see them, so he has to squint if he wants to properly make out anything. Doing so allows him to watch Mother as she trembles, her hands to her mouth, head ducked while Father tries comforting her. The boy can't go back to sleep with all this commotion.

The worn-down mattress beneath him shifts as he sits up. He rubs the sleep from his eyes, looking past the early morning darkness to try and focus on his parents. “Mother?” Thuy calls out, his tone lazy.

She hears him immediately. Father watches as she goes to her son and cups his face in her hands. "Thuy, the president. And his brother. They're both…" Mother struggles to organize her thoughts.

Father interjects, "The president and his brother are dead. Assassinated."

Thuy's gaze hardens. The leader of the South - dead. Just like that. What seemed to be a miserable and never-ending regime has suddenly dissipated before the nation's very eyes, and undoubtedly, those to the North have watched its downfall, as well. Does this mean that reunification is underway? Could the war end soon now that the South is more than likely to be in shambles? Thuy asks his father hesitantly, "What's going to happen?"

"I don't know, but the guards are on the move."

Carefully, the boy removes himself from his mother to approach Father. They stand by their hut's door, and clearly, they can hear heavy, hasty footsteps outside. Whispers floating between the soldiers indicate nothing but uncertainty and stress, and the feeling spreads effortlessly to affect Thuy.

He couldn't give two shits about Ngo Dinh Diem, but his and his brother's deaths could only mean the worst for the people of the South. In inevitable instability, the North wouldn't hesitate to take such a great opportunity to advance further into the countryside. No one can be sure if the Viet Cong, the Army - whoever the North sends - plan to leave a wake of destruction as they march further. No one can be sure if the Americans care enough to send more of their pigs into the country to fight. When all is said and done, South Viet Nam remains even more vulnerable than it was before tonight. And Thuy can only assume the worst for him and his family, being trapped here in a rotting, withering village.

He dares to peek outside. Indeed, the soldiers are moving around the hamlet, almost aimlessly as they quietly discuss the fate of the war. They can barely manage the village with the leadership they've had. What could they do now that their leader is dead?

"We're helpless," Thuy seethes, "The Viet Cong will come and we will be stuck here."

Father turns his son around to face him, kneeling so that they are eye level, "Thuy, I've told you before that we must be leaving soon."

"...Yes?"

"And although this isn't how I imagined it, I believe now is the time."

Mother allows herself to sit at their bamboo table. She clasps her hands together tightly and mumbles prayers to their gods and ancestors.

"But how? The soldiers have become paranoid."

Father grips his son's shoulders and sighs deeply. Looking into the boy's eyes, he says his plan sternly and clearly, more stringent than Thuy is used to hearing from the man. "Thuy, you are my only son, and I know where your strengths lie, what makes you weak. You are growing up to be so determined, more ambitious than what I could ever be."

"Father--"

"You daydream of things greater than any of us, and I know there will be nothing to stand between you and the destinies you've created for yourself. Surely escaping this place isn't too far a stretch for you."

"I don't understand…"

"Thuy, you know your way around this hamlet. You've been sneaking between guard posts and the tower since the first day we've moved here. To move rations or to sneak off with your friends, yes, I know of that too. So, in these crumbling bamboo walls, I'm asking you to find a place we can leave unnoticed."

Thuy suddenly feels a great weight on his shoulders. His father has just tasked him to find a weak spot in the walls through which his family can break through and escape. He must do this unnoticed by armed soldiers anticipating a wave of guerrillas, people who could blend in with civilians. If the boy is caught, then there is a likely chance he could be killed. Yes, escaping now would be the best move. If they stay here, or follow the Southern guards in an evacuation, there would be no surviving a Viet Cong attack. These Southern guards couldn't protect anyone if they tried. At least being alone would free them of association with the South. Thinking of it makes Thuy's heart pound hard against his ribs. His palms become sweaty.

The boy shuts his eyes tight to better visualize a plan in his mind. Protesting this isn’t an option. He understands that if his family were to have a greater chance of survival, leaving immediately is the best way to do so. Besides, he knows how to be brave. Father adds, "We haven't reinforced the east side yet. There should be a place there."

"Yes, Father."

"Once you find it, come back here and let me know. Then, go tell Trung and his family, as well as your friends. They come from our village, as well, correct? I wish we could go with you to help, but your Mother and I aren't as quick. Having you go first will reduce the risk."

"I understand."

"We're counting on you, then."

"Be careful, Thuy, and quiet," Mother pleads from her prayer spot.

The boy nods, and sticks his head out once more to scout for a clearing. He finds it in no time. He slips out, silently as he promised, and dodges the beams of light coming from the soldiers' flashlights. Just as he would when going to trade rations, he stays in the shadows, in blind spots he knows the guard tower can't see.

Although Thuy's convinced himself of his own courage, somehow he finds that his footsteps are hesitant. Advancing just by a few feet around a corner causes the air to escape his lungs. This is such an incredible responsibility, he thinks, being the one to lead his family and friends to survival. He recalls his old village. Surrounded by dense jungle, isolated and far from the cities and neighboring settlements, his home stands quietly near a river. Thuy remembers just how bored he was of being there, and he’s sure that he’ll get tired of it again sooner or later… But returning is what’s important right now. He wants nothing more than to see the rice fields he grew up working, to hear the clear, running water that runs so closely near his place and toward the ocean. His gut tells him that it _has_ to be safe there seeing how it’s well-isolated and hidden from Northern eyes. Hopefully, once the hamlets eventually dissolve, his neighbors will find their way, as well.

When Thuy realizes that it would be Kim’s first time really _seeing_ their village, her first time making _real_ memories of it, he feels his heart calm in his chest.


	6. Chapter 6

The cool morning air bites at Thuy's skin as he finds his way around the hamlet. It's difficult enough to have to move against the bitter breeze, but to keep his balance among it while walking on gravel proves to be a frustrating challenge. He suffocates as he barely misses soldiers' eyelines. Dry soil threatens to make crunching noises with each step he takes. The farther he is from his hut, the further he is from safety. He doesn't fear confronting the Southern authority, but he does keep his family's honor and well-being in mind whenever he takes risks like this, reminding himself of the suffering his loved ones would have to go through if he is caught. He shudders at the thought, then realizes that he doesn't remember the last time he's trembled out of dread. He looks up to see the moon lowering itself from the highest point in the sky. He'll have to move faster.

Covering his mouth with both hands to conceal his breath, he stays low as he finds a path behind a nearby row of huts. All the other soldiers have become more active. He can see between the spaces of the structures that they march together quicker, and the patrols grow in number.

" _They all must share the same idea_ ," Thuy thinks, careful to keep his breathing as silent as he can, " _They are expecting an attack… We need to get out of here before they call the rest of us to arms_."

So he dares to quicken his pace, taking a gamble that the sound of his walking blends in with the distant soldiers'.

He makes it to the east side, past the market and the school, but there is no cover here near the wall. The good part is that Father was right about its ongoing construction. Strewn about the ground are construction tools and loose bamboo spikes, some of them too heavy for Thuy himself to pick up. Anyone could tell just by looking at this portion of the barriers that it's incomplete. He crouches, unwilling to stand and risk giving himself away as more of the surrounding guards become alert.

He presses himself against the wall and slowly moves alongside it. He pushes his hands against each panel and spike, determined to find some sort of weak spot. Pushing, poking and prodding, he is cautious of the obstacles around his feet.

But suddenly the sound of conversation reaches his ears. Thuy can hear a stranger's voice, "What a mess things are…"

The boy keeps himself from gasping by covering his mouth and nose with his hands. He glues his back to the bamboo and watches as two guards slowly begin their rounds around the perimeter of the hamlet. They're a good distance away, perhaps several meters, but if Thuy doesn't hurry the fuck up, they'll get too near and he'll definitely be caught.

Fighting the urge to flee, he turns to face the wall again and moves alongside it,feeling around for a loose spot once more. "Why don't we just bring the villagers out?" the boy can hear the other soldier continue, "It'll be a lot easier to get things done while we're stuck here waiting."

Thuy can feel them get closer as he becomes more desperate. Their conversation continues, "Are you kidding? Not now - they hate us. If we give them time to think about what's happened, we're probably going to end up fighting _them_ instead of the Viet Cong."

"Ngo Dinh Diem just had to die, didn't he?"

"As bad of a situation we're in right now, I'm not surprised it happened. And guess what? I heard that General Minh is the one behind it."

"You mean _Big Minh_ \--?!"

"Wait, shut up. I heard something."

Thuy freezes. His throat closes in on itself. Already he's preparing himself to run, formulating escape routes to get out of the guards' sights and get back to his Father. He clings to the wall, eyes shut tight, begging the higher powers to protect him and his family. The two men march in his direction.

But a distant voice calls out two names, and the guards stop in their tracks. "Was that us?" one of them asks.

The voice, most likely coming from the opposite side of the hamlet, rings out again. "Shit, that's us. C'mon."

"But what about--"

"It's probably nothing. Let's go, the last thing I want is to be reprimanded at a time like this."

Thuy listens to them get father and farther away, and he can breathe again. He has to take a second to recollect himself. That entire time, Thuy was thinking about how livid he'd be if they saw him. The thought of getting interrupted in the middle of doing the single, most important thing he's ever been asked to do is enough to make him too overwrought to stay calm. And again, thinking about the people he cares about…

 _The gods are with me_ , he reassures himself, knowing full well that anger will get him nowhere at this point. Thuy breathes deeply, decides to simply be grateful for not being seen, then continues searching for what seems to be forever.

But eventually he finds a gap in the barrier. Biting his cheek, he pulls at one of the misaligned spikes, and miraculously, it shifts. Again, to ensure that his mind didn't just play a cruel trick on him, he uses both his hands to move it more to the side. It submits to what little strength he has and his spirit catches aflame. He's found it. He's found an escape.

He and his family and friends can leave this place behind. They can rebuild their lives back home. Thuy can think about his future without fearing consequence.

And the relief he feels, knowing that Kim won't have to spend her entire childhood in such a depraved community like this enlivens him further.

His breath is shaky as he backs away from the newfound passage. His eyes dart across its surroundings, taking note of every memorable structure and feature so he can better remember its location. Clutching his shirt's neckline, he nods to himself, basking in pride for only a moment before swiftly making for Uncle Trung's.

His excitement over having found a way out of here grants him speed to get to his destination in haste. Thuy makes it a point to shy away from any more close calls on the way. When he gets there, he taps the hut's door lightly, then retreats to the side of the home to avoid being seen. Impatience rises in his chest as he turns to the door again, tapping several more times before announcing his presence in what's barely a whisper. "Uncle Trung, it's Thuy."

The door opens immediately, then, and the boy is pulled inside. Not having enough time to react, he trips over his feet into the hut, and he is met with the ground. The entrance shuts behind him as he picks himself up, and the wide, petrified stares of a group of girls sitting together greet him. It sends him into a daze - being suddenly confronted by bewildered gazes - but in their faces he can see traces Kim. _Her sisters_.

His first instinct is to look for the girl, but Uncle Trung turns Thuy to face him. "What the hell is going on? Why are you out so early? For hours all we've been hearing is talk of the president, an attack..." the man asks urgently.

Thuy keeps his focus among Uncle's daughters, but doesn't hesitate to answer, "The president and his brother's been assassinated."

"What?"

Thuy replies with persistence, now speaking face-to-face with his uncle, "They're dead and we can only expect the Viet Cong to take advantage of this by targeting the hamlets. Look, I've found a way out of here. My parents and I will escape from here tonight to our village. Come with us; it's our best chance."

Uncle looks at him as if he's just spoken nonsense. The boy has to keep his temper in check as he explains further, "If the Viet Cong comes, the guards will make everyone fight, then the Viet Cong will win no matter what. And if the Viet Cong sees you fighting for the South, they will kill all of you."

The girls whimper amongst each other as Uncle gets lost in thought. A bead of sweat appears on his forehead. "We will go," he finally decides. His daughters begin approaching him with protests or concerns, but he silences them with a glare. From their previous spot, Thuy notices Aunt Hang, who cradles a sleepy-looking girl in her arms. It doesn't take long for the child to notice the boy. Releasing herself from her mother, Kim runs to Thuy, her drowsiness instantly replaced by elation. "Thuy, you're here," she says fondly, not quite finding the energy yet to express her enthusiasm. He almost feels bad. Usually Kim is the one who has to find him, and the one time he takes it upon himself to go to her, it's for a dangerous mission.

Uncle Trung watches closely as Thuy kneels before her and puts his hands on her shoulders. Kim knows by now what it means when Thuy does that, and the boy can feel her tense up when he makes her look at him. "I'm not here to play, so don't get your hopes up," he sighs, "I'm here to tell you that we're leaving this village behind."

"Huh..?"

"We're going back to our _real_ home, deep in the jungle. It's much better than here and you'll have more space to play there. But to get there, you have to promise to listen to me and your father, okay?"

He's learned by now how to speak to Kim in situations like these. Talking to her in his usual harshness makes her frightened, he recalls, looking back on the times where he had to teach her things. Obediently, she nods. He knows there's more she wants to say, but Kim has always been a good girl despite being so outspoken.

"I will show you a way to my hut," Thuy sighs, standing to address Uncle Trung, "You must stay in the shadows and keep silent until you are there. In the meantime, I will be asking my friends to join us."

"And then what?"

"I will lead you all to the exit."

The boy takes it upon himself to peek outside the door to check on the soldiers. They all seemed to be gathered at the front now, taking a headcount of enlisted men capable if defending the hamlet. Thuy knows that it will not be enough to survive even a small skirmish.

But it's enough to buy him some time. A perfect diversion from him sneaking around.

After beckoning Uncle Trung to the door and showing him the safest route, Thuy prepares himself for another trip around the village. "Wait for me with my father," he says to him. As he's about to leave, though, Kim reaches out to touch his arm.

She pleads, "Don't go so soon."

"I'll be back, Kim," Thuy offers one of his rare, genuine smiles and pats her head, "You can always count on that."


	7. Chapter 7

It doesn't take much to convince Quan, Binh, and Duong to escape the hamlet. Quan and Binh's families have been doing significantly poorly in this village, almost as bad as Thuy's, but with the two older teenagers having siblings the boy can only imagine the struggle they've had to endure to avoid starving. For them, there really is no other choice. The parents of both families accept Thuy's offer with weak, silent nods - quite the contrast to their sons' almost explosive enthusiasm. Duong's "family," on the other hand - the unit that's been keeping him around for work - decline the offer to leave out of fear for their lives. Duong makes his decision to escape independently, and doesn't care to look back when Thuy comes to persuade him out the door.

“Idiots, the lot of them,” Duong hisses, crouching with the group as they navigate behind a row of huts, “I don’t claim to be a genius, but I at least know when it’s time to leave.”

“ _Shut the fuck up, Duong!_ ” Thuy snaps in response, struggling to resist the urge to raise his voice and strangle the other. He would have expressed his agreement if only their survival didn’t depend solely on their silence. While Quan and Binh stifle their discomfort from the sudden tension, the others tense up under Thuy's fierce ire, and the boy can't be bothered to correct his sour attitude. Surely leading an entire group around a guarded hamlet justifies a shortened temper? He sends a cautionary glance toward the rest, and seeing how quick they are to resume concentrating on their movement, he assumes that thatnis enough to keep them in line. With the soldiers' focus turning more toward supplies and set up for defense at the front of the village, they make it successfully to Thuy's hut without being noticed, and the boy ushers them into what will be his former home.

Father grabs the boy by his shoulders once the door closes behind him, "My son…"

"It's just as you said. There's a way out in the east wall. I know where it is," Thuy reports.

He's pulled into an embrace then, "We will follow you."

Father returns to Mother and Thuy is left to face the result of his actions. There's way too many people in this space - four entire families crammed into what is barely enough for one. Thuy proceeds to count everyone to prepare for the journey for the exit, keeping his place by the door so he'll be the first one out when it's time. As he takes note of those present, he finds that having to see the faces of several anxious people - as well as feeling impossibly claustrophobic - doesn't do anything for his nerves. This really _is_ a lot of people. People he'll be responsible for. People whose lives now depend on him. He rests the back of his head against the door and breathes in deeply.

He could have never imagined that he'd be in a situation like this so suddenly. The fact that he was able to find just what he needed out there without being seen is a miracle. How he did it on such short notice even moreso. Knowing this, he would be lying if he says he isn't at all shaken. Despite having the confidence and ability to evade the eyes of guards, he recognizes that up until this point, he's largely been reliant on luck. The possibility that his fortune may have run dry makes him sweat bullets, makes his hands shake. He barely has any control out there. This is the final stretch, he realizes, and he can't afford to fail now that he's made it this far. He attempts to hide his anxiety by turning his face away from the others, hoping that this wave of dread dies out soon enough. He shuts his eyes tight, attempting to compose himself.

But someone taps his arm and it's like they burn out half his already-shortened fuse. He asserts his irritation in the most composed way he can, "Give me a moment, okay?! We'll be out of here in no time. Just… I need to… I need…"

"Thuy?"

Hearing Kim's voice pulls him out of his trepidation. "Kim!" It's like an instinct to kneel now, so her wide, doe-like eyes are level with his. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

She frowns and takes a little step backward. "You came back," she says softly.

"Of course I did. I told you, didn't I?"

" _Ba_ says he thinks you’re brave.”

Thuy chuckles bitterly, “Does he?”

“But you look scared.”

“Me?” he stutters in surprise and feigns indignation, “No. No, I’m not scared. I can't be _scared_ at a time like this, Kim, not when the opportunity to prove myself is right here. I just need time to _think_ , to reorganize my thoughts--”

“You’re shaking, though.”

Thuy looks up to discover that everyone else, rather than witnessing how ridiculous he must seem right now, are all dealing with their own doubts, whispering among each other about their chances of survival and questioning whether trusting the son of an old man was ever a good idea. Just look at him - allowing himself to be pathetic in front of a child. He buries his face in his hands, “Kim, I--”

This kid’s reading him like an open book. She shifts forward and takes his hands in hers so she can see his face. “I’m scared, too." Her words make him feel even smaller. Here he is, her friend, her protector, ruined under pressure and uncertainty. He's being a fucking coward. Seeing him like this should dishearten her, but against his expectations, she remains with their fingers interlocked. His mind clears a little as they stay like this.

_Kim's scared_. Of course she is. She's a five year old caught in the middle of a war that only seems to be accelerating. But after spending weeks with her by his side, watching out for her welfare, letting her put all her faith in him…

May the Gods damn him if he allows _anything_ to strike fear into her heart.

He stands and takes another deep breath. Letting senseless insecurities steer him from the greatest responsibility he's ever taken on is nothing short of despicable. Enough of all this foolishness, he decides. He shouldn't be treating any of this like a burden, but rather an honor. "I'm not afraid," Thuy insists, convincing himself of it, "We're going to go now and we'll be back home in a few days time."

Kim smiles at his newfound confidence, and he's taken aback. Thinking it over for a second, he comes to an understanding. "You...You were trying to make me feel better, weren't you--?"

"Thuy!" Duong suddenly squeezes through the group of people and makes himself seen, "When the hell are we leaving? I can't stand it in here."

"Right now! Tell everyone," Thuy replies. He swallows hard and turns his attention to Kim as the other boy goes to do as he was told. "Kim, stay with your father."

"No! I wanna go with you."

" _Kim_ \--"

"Please, Thuy! I feel safer with you."

Thuy brings a palm to his forehead, "Dammit! Fine. But you have to swear to me that you'll be fast and stay absolutely quiet. Do you hear me?"

She nods.

"Good girl," he sighs, wondering if he'll ever learn to resist that innocent expression of hers. "Listen, even when I'm with you, I don't want there to ever be a time when you're scared. The world right now is intimidating, and it won't stop being intimidating even if you're frightened. You reminded me to have courage just now, so I'm gonna do the same for you. Be strong, okay? Always."

"I am when I'm with Thuy."

After checking that everyone is here once more, he gently pushes the door open by a crack to check outside. With another glance at his group, he confirms that they're ready to go. And just like that, they slip out a few people at a time. Thuy maintains his place at the front with a vice-like grip around Kim's hand.

Everyone is careful, no one makes any mistakes, and getting to their exit proves to be surprisingly easy. Quan and Binh catch up to the boy once they make it to the wall so they can help him break off the spike. It takes several attempts, the sound of splintering bamboo threatening to give them away, but after one last pull, the spike gives. It falls to one side, but thanks to Thuy's reflexes, he manages to catch it by positioning himself under it so it lands on his right shoulder. Pain surges from the point of impact to throughout the entirety of his back. He groans through gritted teeth as the two older boys come to take it off him. Thuy gasps for air, soreness seizing all feeling in his body. Kim, Quan, and Binh approach him out of concern, but he orders them toward the exit with a gesture using his left hand. Insisting on keeping her place, Kim stays by Thuy even if he has to slow his walking to cope with the pain.

He can hardly believe it once they all make it out. The darkness of the early morning conceal them as they run for the jungle, the scent of fresh vegetation overpowering his nose. The air is freer, cleaner. For the first time in months his feet make contact with healthy, damp soil instead of sharp gravel. Thuy looks behind him to watch the walls of the hamlet get farther and farther away. _Good riddance_.

"Stop!" Father yells. They're surrounded by trees now, and flowers and fresh, green stalks of bamboo with dew sticking to its leaves. Kim picks a white blossom from a tree trunk and puts it in her hair. The man takes the lead of the group, "This is the path we took when we were forced into the hamlet. We follow this, then we'll be back home in a week's time." The path is barely visible with how much vines are growing on top of it, but at least it will better camouflage the route to their village. Everyone begins their trek, and Quan and Binh pat Thuy's good shoulder as they pass him.

"A hero, Thuy. You're a hero," Quan says.

But it isn't until he hears Kim's cheers that he feels true pride. She tells him, gratitude and warmth encompassing her tone, "Thuy's the best."

"Really? 'The best?'" he laughs.

"He's brave, he teaches me things… And he plays with me all the time."

"That's the most important part, isn't it?"

"Yes! And you said we'll have more space to play back home. Let's play when we get there. Promise?"

"You don't give me any choice," Thuy ruffles her hair, smiling as they join the journey back home.


	8. Chapter 8

Clear sapphire skies are the first to greet Thuy when his group emerges from the jungle. Without a canopy in the way, the cloudless expanse allows the sun to bathe everything around him in white rays of light. It makes the distant river glitter relentlessly as it flows toward the greater Mekong Delta. It will be days before the stream makes it there. It would be days before anyone from here could make it anywhere and vice versa. This village, surrounded by thick, vicious wilderness, remains untouched. No visitor, if any, has left traces of their stay.

Virtually nothing has changed. Sure, the rice has overgrown and the months of neglect the houses have endured are clear, but the evident familiarity in everything surprises Thuy. The same wood fences still line each property. The dirt roads he grew up running on are intact. He chuckles. It's only been a few months, but it feels like forever since he's been here last. He takes a deep breath.

But what passes his nostrils isn't the comforting scent of the rolling river. No, what he smells is  _ shit _ .

Someone's water buffalo meanders on village streets, moaning and grazing on invasive grass. There are pigs cooling off in one of the nursery fields. Between dried up rice crops, the boy can see blotches of bright orange feathers. "What the hell..?" he murmurs.

"Thuy!" Mother gasps, "Those are our chickens, aren't they?!"

Thuy could recognize them anywhere. He looks behind him to see Mother's panicked expression, and he groans, knowing exactly what he has to do without being told. As such, he’s the first to enter the village, sprinting in order to round up his family’s livestock, taking care to keep his right arm as still as possible. He doesn’t expect Binh to join him. "What are you doing?" he asks once they reach the rice paddies.

"Helping you! Like I'd sit and watch a cripple try to chase down chickens," Binh laughs.

"You're an asshole," Thuy scowls, "But thank you."

"In all seriousness, though - your shoulder isn't hurting too bad?"

"It's gotten better, but spending weeks in a hot, humid, insect-infested jungle didn't do me any favors."

"I'm sorry I couldn't do anything. I had my own family to worry about."

Thuy scoffs, "Worrying about your own is the only way to do things nowadays. Don't feel sorry."

"Nonsense. The only way people survive is by helping each other. I mean, look what you did for us!"

Thuy manages to scoop up a rooster with his good arm, noting that it's skinnier than he remembers. Perhaps the chickens survived off of rice this entire time. Binh catches a hen, as well. With their hands full, all that's left to do is round the rest up and put them back in Thuy's family's coop, where hopefully they'll stay.

His home is the one nearest to the river. They see upon arriving that despite not being taken care of for however long, it's held its own. There's still work to do these coming months, though, and that applies to the entire village, too. It's going to take a group effort to get this place properly functioning again.

The boys lead the brood into the coop at the side of the house. Thuy curses, "Shit. Look, the wire's disintegrated. No wonder they were all out there."

"Well, what can you expect? We were all gone for a while."

"Yeah," he murmurs, "I won't be able to replace this until much later, though."

"You do most of the work around here, don't you?"

Thuy finds a large panel of scrap metal near the enclosure and resolves to block the gap in the wire with it. "I wouldn't let my parents do anything more than farming."

"Why? This is their house, too, isn't it?"

"I'm concerned about their health. By the time I'm an actual adult, they'll be knocking on death's door, and I can't risk losing them any sooner than that."

"What do you mean?"

His friend watches as the younger boy tries to stretch out his right arm. "I want to leave, Binh. I want to leave before they die so I won't have to inherit this damn farm," Thuy mutters, “I don’t want to stay here for longer than I have to.”

"There will come a time, I'm sure of it," Binh sighs, "But until then, if you ever find yourself with free time, visit the north end of the village. I have a shack there where we can all talk freely like we used to. Quan and Duong already know about it."

The other nods.

"And if you ever need help with anything, don't be afraid to ask. We all owe you one."

"Thank you, Binh."

~~

Operating with his non-dominant hand is a learning process for Thuy. He sweeps, dusts, and shovels shit off the streets with a lot more difficulty than he’s expected. Although help is abundant, this village used to house much more than four families. So, with a fairly decent-sized, mostly empty community and large rice paddies to take care of, it's going to be a challenge to maintain everything until everyone else returns (if they ever do). For now, the animals have returned to their appropriate places, and all of them can at least be grateful for cleaner air. Thuy returns to the fields at the end of the day. He rolls up his pants to prepare himself for hours worth of more work.

Harvesting rice is just as automatic for him as assembling a 1911 is. Equipped with nothing but a sickle and some large baskets, Thuy separates the crops that have gone bad and those still salvageable, taking note of which can be used for fertilizer later on. They've got the manure for it, anyway. The task is monotonous. It's boring. It puts strain on his back. It makes him want to throw down his tools and...

"Hello, Thuy--!"

"For fuck's sake!"

Thuy brandishes the sickle like a weapon. He darts his focus everywhere, spinning around and holding the blade with a white-knuckle grip. His heart rate slows only when his aim lands on Kim, who squeaks when she comes face to face with the sharp edge. “Kim?!” he barks.

She only snickers when he realizes it’s her, “Did I surprise you?”

He puts away the sickle and bends over to catch his breath, “Yes, and any more than that and I would have killed you! Where the hell did you come from?!”

“The rice is tall. I can hide in it!”

“No kidding,” he straightens his back and sighs, “It’s going to take weeks before we clear all this… Wait, why are you even here?”

“Thuy promised he’d play with me when we came back home.”

“Kim, I don’t think I’ll be finished here any time soon.”

“If I help, it'll be quicker?”

“Huh? If anything you should be helping your own family.”

“ _ Ba _ says I don’t have to!”

The boy glowers, “You’re a liar.”

And Kim gasps like she’s been accused of the worst offense known to civilization, “No! I’m not lying! Only bad girls lie and I’m not bad! I helped clean the house, and when I was done I asked  _ Ba _ if I should help with the fields. Then he said I could ask you to play instead.”

“He explicitly told you you could come to me?”

“Yep! Then he also said that if ‘Thuy really didn’t want me around, he’d send me back!’”

He pauses, mouth hanging open as if to say something. As Kim stands there beaming, Thuy has to take a moment to process the information she’s just given him, his brows furrowed and eyes narrowed in bafflement. He runs a hand through his hair.

“Fine.”

Thuy reaches down to his baskets and takes a bundle of rice from two of them. He presents both bunches to the girl, “Can you tell which one is ripe?”

“Um… Both…”

“Technically, you’re correct, but only one has grains that can be used. This other one is either dead or dying already. It crumbles when I so much as touch it. You see?”

“I do!”

“Okay. Then I’ll need you to sort them. Bad rice goes into this basket, and good rice goes in the other. Easy enough.”

Kim takes the rice and puts them in their respective baskets. Thuy nods in approval.

Completing the chore takes much less time with Kim around. He’s never expected the girl to be such a hard and efficient worker. It almost makes him laugh to see her face as she deliberates over whether the crop in her hands is edible or not. In addition to that, he discovers that when deep in thought, she tends to purse her lips and hum, rocking her weight between her feet. Genuinely, her presence makes the burden easier to handle. Without having to examine the crops, Thuy only has to focus on cutting, which makes his workload significantly lighter. He decides they're finished when the baskets are full.

Once they're done, the sun settles itself on the horizon line. Golden rays illuminate their way to Thuy’s house, deepening the shadows of nearby trees and huts. Kim keeps a few steps behind him as she cradles a basket. The boy is careful to check behind him every few minutes so he's sure she doesn't get lost. It’s a sight he finds much more tolerable than the one in the hamlet. Kim smiles in a place she can call her own, never having to restrain her joy due to mistrustful soldiers. Here, there are no guard towers, barbed wires, or spikes. It’s a place where a child can grow without the menace of war breathing down their neck. This isn’t somewhere Thuy would like to spend the rest of his life, but it could be for Kim. It’s worked out for so many others - why would she be any different?

Father greets them when they arrive, and smiles the moment he sees the girl, "Ah, Thuy, you're with Kim. You two… You've gotten close, haven't you?"

Thuy replies, electing to ignore his question, "She helped me with the harvest." Blushing, Kim addresses Father politely.

"It will be dark soon. Be sure to return her to Trung before then."

"Of course."

"And don't take your time. You need to clean yourself up and rest."

"I understand."

Kim and Thuy put away the baskets and the boy leaves with her, waving to his Father as a goodbye. They walk through the village together hand-in-hand, and the boy is happy to see her so amazed at everything. To her, the changes the place has gone through are more obvious than what has stayed the same. She points everything out with awe - from untamed vines to failing architecture. Eventually, he leads her past everything and into the farthest edge of the village. She notices quickly. "Where are we going?" she asks.

"We definitely don't have the time to play today, but I  _ can _ do something for you that's completely different."

"Huh?"

They reach a wall of tall emerald grass. Parting it reveals something that makes Kim gasp in pure elation:

It's the river, and Thuy allows Kim to step through to get a closer look.

"The river! I was never allowed to be so close!" she squeals, walking right up to the edge of the bank.

He follows her, "Careful. We're not going swimming; I just wanted to show you. Do you like it? No one really comes to this part."

"I love it! We can play in it someday, right? We'll ride a boat and fish and swim and…"

"Let's just put our feet in the water for now, okay?"

"Okay!"

They sit down. The water proves to be such a great relief for Thuy. After spending all day trekking through jungle and working the farm, his legs have become heavy with exhaustion. At last, he can finally cool down, sitting here as the peaceful evening rolls in. Kim seems to like it, too, splashing water around by kicking. Eventually, though, she stops and looks at the boy with apprehension.

"Want to go back?" Thuy asks.

"N-No… I'll stay with you longer."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I wanna tell you a secret."

He shrugs, "Alright?"

Kim leans in closer to him then takes a deep breath. What horrible secret could a five-year-old keep? She whispers, " _ Ba  _ and your father talk to each other a lot."

"Seriously?!" Thuy breaks into a laugh, "That's your secret?"

"No! They talk  _ a lot _ . About you!"

He stops, "... Me?"

"Yeah. All day today. About nothing except for Thuy. They spoke really, really quietly but I heard your name and sometimes my name. And something is going to happen tomorrow, I think? I asked them but they got mad at me for 'eavesdropping.'"

"Ever since the hamlet they've been scheming - apparently about me! You know what? I'm going to see them myself. This is way too annoying." He prepares to stand but Kim takes a hold of his hand.

"No! Just a little longer?"

"It'll be dark soon anyway, Kim."

"Not yet..! Please? Thuy showed me something special today. I wanna be here with him until it's really time to go home."

Thuy groans. Whenever she speaks like that it's as if he loses all his free will and he doesn't know why. He settles back down and allows the girl to hug him. "Thank you," she mumbles into his shirt.

Reluctantly, he wraps his arm around her. They stay like this, content, surrounded by nothing but the soothing sounds of the river and each other until the moon peeks over the horizon.


	9. Chapter 9

Kim skips along the village’s paths with moonlight as her guide. Dyed in a pale glow, she dances through empty streets, relishing in the fact that Thuy has let her move ahead of him for once during a walk. For Thuy, it’s strange to know that his hand is empty when the girl is so near, but he supposes this will happen more often from now on. Kim will grow up safe in this village. As she gets older, she won’t need anyone to hold her hand anymore, and of course her dependency on her cousin will diminish.

Will Thuy even be around to see that? By the time Kim is his age, would he have found his way out of this place? He hopes so, but for some unfathomable reason, he feels less excited about the prospect than he has in the past.

“Wait, Kim. We have to go left here,” he calls out, “You’re going straight.”

“Oops…”

Uncle Trung’s house is undoubtedly one of the smaller ones in this village. While anyone can agree that it’s at least a million times better than the one they were given in the hamlet, the home is only large enough to accommodate the family that resides in it. Any more than that and the entire thing might just collapse. If there’s one thing about it that’s especially piqued Thuy’s interest, though, it’s the fact that there always seems to be laughter echoing from the inside. Even as a young boy, Thuy could never seem to ignore the constant joy radiating from the place.

It’s the same even now. When he knocks on the door, he’s greeted with Uncle Trung’s ridiculous grin, as well as a chorus of giggling girls from deeper within the house. He must have finished telling a joke or something.

“Good evening, Thuy! I see you’ve brought back my daughter safe and sound.”

“Yes, she actually helped me in the fields today.”

“Wonderful!” Uncle Trung pulls Kim inside, “You have no idea how grateful we are for you. Kim has always been in need of a friend, you know? With you around, her life is proving to be a lot better than we could ever hope for.”

“I’m sorry?”

He ruffles the girl’s hair, “The war has taken a lot from us. With our focus on just barely surviving, we unfortunately can’t give Kim all the attention she deserves. But now that she has you… It’s been easier for everyone.”

“W-Well, it’s not like I have anything better to do..! She appears out of nowhere while I’m in the middle of important work, and it’s not like I can just send her away - she’d make a fuss and...” Thuy stammers, feeling heat creep up to his cheeks.

“You _could_ have gotten rid of her regardless,” Uncle Trung chuckles, crossing his arms, “That’s what Kim was supposed to tell you anyway…”

 _Thuy’s been cornered_. The boy shoves his hands in his pockets and moves his gaze elsewhere. “Good night, Uncle Trung--”

“Wait! Would your father mind if my wife and I accompanied you back to your house? We both would like to speak with your parents.”

Thuy remembers what Kim told him at the river and his suspicions. He’s planned to ask his father about it, but with Uncle Trung himself coming over, the boy could finally gain a deeper understanding of what all this conspiring is about. He nods, “Of course you can come over. If it isn’t too much to ask, though, what is it that you have to discuss with them?”

“The future, boy! Wait just a moment…”

“The future--?”

“ _Hang!_ ”

Thuy is surprised to see Aunt Hang so well-dressed when she comes scurrying out past him and her husband. She’s got a white _ao dai_ on, complete with black trousers and a silk purse on her arm. The boy’s speechless, “What is going on…”

“C’mon, then!” she beckons Uncle and Thuy over, “We haven’t got all day!”

Kim gasps, “Can I come?”

“No, Kim. Your sisters will make sure you have something to eat before going to bed. Good night, princess,” Uncle Trung crouches down to kiss the girl on her forehead, then goes to join his wife. Thuy lets himself look back before going, catching Kim sadly waving her little hand in goodbye. He returns the gesture.

As they’re walking, Aunt Hang speaks to the boy eagerly, “So how are you Thuy? Is your shoulder alright? Oh, I saw what happened to your chickens this morning, it must have been exhausting trying to catch all of them! You know, it was _our_ water buffalo on the street when we first arrived. You saw it, didn’t you?"

“Yes,” Thuy murmurs, still trying to keep up with everything she just said, “I’m resting my shoulder for now. And I had a friend help me get the chickens to safety... It’s good that you got your buffalo back--”

“Ah! You must be wondering why I’m dressed so formally,” she laughs, “I overheard you asking Trung about our sudden visit.”

“‘The future?’”

“Yes, _the future!_ We and your parents have realized a lot about life since the war began. Before, we used to think we had all the time in the world to push back responsibilities and wait until we were on our deathbeds before making important choices, but then we were moved to the hamlet, and suddenly we were almost convinced we didn’t _have_ a future! We were separated from our lives - the farms, the river, ancestral lands… So, now that you’ve saved us and brought us back, we’ve decided to treat life as it is - a rare, precious gift that we must work to preserve for our next generations! With how things are, we can’t just wait for the future to fall into our laps. We have to make it ourselves.”

“...Okay?”

“Both our families are going to work together to achieve this, Thuy.”

Thuy is completely lost. He has so many questions, so much pent up frustration over his confusion. If this is the best answer he’s going to get, he might as well just wait until they reach his home. When they do, Mother serves up dinner and Father seats everyone at their table. These preparations go so smoothly that Thuy is convinced that his parents expected them to come. A few minutes into dinner, Aunt Hang speaks up.

“I told your son about our proposition,” she says. To Thuy’s surprise, her tone is far more controlled than earlier.

Father replies, “Is that so?”

It’s Uncle Trung’s turn to speak, “For the sake of our families’ future, we’d like to open up the possibility of combining all our assets with yours.”

Thuy’s chopsticks slip from his fingers. _All their assets_ … That means their rice fields, livestock, money will be shared _freely_ between the two families. Sure, Uncle Trung and Father don’t have much on their own, but together, the possibility of becoming the richest family in this entire village is looking to be very real. But how?

Aunt and Uncle’s conversation with his parents devolves into gibberish for Thuy. All this talk of numbers, acres, measurements, and trade leaves him clueless. How does this relate to him? Kim said Father and Uncle have done nothing but talk about _him_ , so why doesn’t he hear his name in this mess of a discussion? It feels like hours before Father decides to change the subject, “Enough of all this. It’s too late to be talking about money.”

“Agreed!” Uncle nods and turns to his nephew, “Let’s talk about Thuy instead! How have you been, boy?”

Mother smiles, “He’s such a hard worker, Trung. He’s done so much for us despite being a boy still!”

“Me?” Thuy straightens his back, “I’m fine, I guess.” _I’ve got an unusable shoulder and a shit ton of manual labor to do tomorrow. I couldn’t feel any worse._

Wait, but this is what he's been waiting for, right? What exactly are they planning?

"I'm fine, I guess?' You can come up with something better than that, surely?" Father scolds.

Thuy clears his throat. He looks around, shakes his head, shrugs - "I'm… I'm glad that we're all alive. That we still have homes and food. Running from the hamlet could have left us with absolutely nothing, so it's a relief, really." At least he's told a half-truth.

"We'll never forget what you did for us, Thuy," Aunt Hang leans forward, "The way you led everyone, how you were so in control… Even when you reprimanded that other boy! You're a natural-born leader!"

"I am?"

Mother interjects, "Of course! And you know what?"

"What?" Father asks.

"I bet he'd be wonderful at leading a household, too."

Thuy furrows his brows. "What--"

"I think so, too!" Aunt Hang claps her hands.

"I'm sorry?"

Father and Uncle Trung lock eyes on the boy. Uncle laughs, "You like any girls, Thuy? Anyone you'd want to marry?"

"Girls?" the boys repeats slowly, "I haven't had the time to think about girls."

"Really? A boy your age? Please."

"My home has been neglected for months. Our village is in desperate need for repairs. Our country is at _war_. The last thing I'm going to think about is girls!"

"Look at him! He's blushing! C'mon, Thuy, give us something!"

Everyone's stares make him feel helpless. Knowing there's no escape from this causes his stomach to flip over in embarrassment. He stutters, "W-Well…"

"Well?"

"I'd like a girl to love me first before I marry her."

The house is silent. Thuy scratches the back of his wrist, turning to face the wall. He said something stupid. So, so _stupid!_ His family won't ever let him live long enough to forget this. If Mother or Aunt Hang decide to gossip, his friends will catch wind, and he'll become the butt of every one of their jokes.

Uncle Trung flashes one of the most incredulous smiles Thuy has ever seen. "A girl who loves you, huh..?"

"Forget what I said," Thuy pleads, "I was just speaking nonsense. Nothing about it was serious--"

Father nods to Uncle Trung and Aunt Hang. Aunt lets out a satisfied sigh, "Sorry for teasing you like that, Thuy! It's getting late; we'll get out of your hair now."

"You're always welcome here," Mother says.

And just like that, the night ends. Thuy is left traumatized, totally perplexed and upset, and goes to bed without feeling sleepy at all. _T_ _he future? Combining wealth with Uncle Trung? Thuy and girls?_ Again, all of his questions remain unanswered, and they haunt him mercilessly as he spends the rest of the night staring at the ceiling.

~~

Thuy doesn't get up in the early morning to pick up rations. The stress of getting up to fight over what little food there is doesn't knock on his conscience. Seeing the sky turn bright doesn't instill panic in him. No, not anymore.

He gets up to feed the chickens.

Thuy tiptoes past his sleeping parents and goes outside to the side of the house, equipped with a bucket of scraps from last night's dinner. He's greeted with the incessant crowing of the rooster, but the noise does nothing but inspire nostalgia. What he's doing is so… Normal. Back in the hamlet, he had doubted that he'd ever feel normal again. The constant paranoia, the stress… With those feelings gone it's almost as if he's missing something. And if it isn’t those feelings he’s missing, then it must be Kim coming to find him in the morning.

He lets the chickens out and pours out the scraps. They all swarm around it and eat at a rate he's never seen before. These poor animals… They must have missed eating a diet like this.

He turns around and sees Father approach him with an oar. "Good morning," Thuy says, "Are you taking the boat? I haven't checked to see if it's still in good shape."

"It's fine, Thuy. I wanted to tell you to come fish with me and Trung."

"This early? You should be resting, Father. The fish will still be there later--"

“I’m telling you to come with me.”

Thuy pauses for a moment. “Okay, I’ll go fish with you and Uncle.”

“Let’s go, Trung should be there now.”

It’s quiet by the river. Thuy’s family actually owns a good length of it, his ancestors having been opulent fishermen in their past lives. Pulling the tall grass aside reveals their side of the bank, Uncle Trung, and their boat full of supplies. The breeze is gentle against his skin, the sound of flowing water reminds Thuy of a melody. The colors of dawn paint the sky, from orange clouds blotted on a deep indigo canvas to the white, fading moon surrendering to the sun. With no bamboo walls to block Thuy’s vision, he has to wonder how many times he’s taken beautiful mornings like this for granted before the army took them away.

He enters the boat and helps Father in before Uncle Trung lets the river take them. He jumps in at the last minute, greeting Thuy with his signature grin, “Mornin’, Thuy!”

“Ah, good morning.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve been out on the water, hasn’t it? I’ve never fished in this part before. I got nets, bait, fishing poles if we have to use them…”

“I’m afraid we might not catch anything, Uncle,” Thuy climbs to the back of the boat after taking the oar from Father to row, “It’s far too early. The fish aren’t very active at this hour.”

Father sighs, “Stay seated, Thuy. I don’t know why your uncle insisted on doing it like this.”

“Hey! How else can we speak in true privacy? We could also be a little productive this way. Here, Thuy let’s switch.”

In private? Is Thuy in trouble or something? Crap… This might be because of last night. His attitude probably irked them or something. But how else did they expect him to act when asked such ridiculous questions?! “What’s going on?” Thuy asks, his patience running dangerously thin.

“I know how much you dislike it when we dance around issues, so I’ll make this brief,” Father says, “You remember last night when we were discussing sharing property with Trung and his wife.”

“Of course.”

“There’s only one way to make that happen, Thuy.”

“What is it?”

Uncle Trung laughs loudly, “For such a cunning boy, he’s pretty dense! Can I just tell him?”

Father relents, “Go ahead.”

“When you’re older, son, you’ll be the one to unite our families. You’ll marry my youngest daughter, Kim.”

The world around Thuy comes to a stop. The morning twilight dulls, the water rocking the boat makes him sick to his stomach. His uncle and Father blur into nothing but maddening, insufferable, unbearable silhouettes of people he used to know. He grits his teeth. He grips the side of the boat, never minding the splinters threatening to embed themselves into his skin. He’s not sure if he wants to vomit, yell, throw something --

 _The future_. What fucking bullshit.

Thuy doesn’t want to be stuck in this miserable fucking village for the rest of his life. This river can dry up and kill the rice paddies for all he cares. He isn’t meant for this. He’s meant for something greater. He’s meant to lead - isn’t that what Aunt Hang said? He could lead people, lead an army, do something honorable! Not... Not inherit some hopeless farm!

“ _Are you kidding me?_ ” Thuy seethes, “I’m not going to get married here.”

“We put a lot of thought into this. It’s the best thing for both our families,” Uncle frowns.

“You don’t know a thing about what’s best for me! Neither of you do! I’m better than this. I’m not going to let you tie me to this shithole--!”

Father strikes him, slaps him across the face. Thuy is frozen, wild. “This is the purpose we’ve found for you! Your dreams are nothing but that - _dreams_. I knew I shouldn’t have let you grow to be so ambitious… You humiliate me, Thuy.”

“Father…”

“From now on, it would do you good to save your words for _when they matter_. Circle us back, Trung. I think he understands.”

Thuy keeps his gaze on the sunrise for the rest of the ride. He dares to ask one more thing, “Why Kim? Does she know?”

Uncle explains quietly, “We’ll tell when she’s your age. And… I remembered what you said last night. She loves you, Thuy, and I know you love her, too.”

Thuy hates that he can’t refute him.


End file.
